the smooth motion of the city

I sit on my back porch, contemplating my life as I smoke the hookah and listen to the sounds of downtown with a little bit of Zero 7 in the background at least for a little while.

I am inspired but at the same time distracted as I watch the smoke cascade out of my lungs up into the night air. I wonder how my dreams for what my life will become will come to pass.

I realize that even as I sit hear another second of my life has passed by and I think of all the ideas I've had and wonder why I have never really followed any of my dreams before this year.

I think that the last time I followed a dream was when I came out to Colorado in 2001 to work at Eagle Lake as a bike camp director. Actually maybe not, I think that going to Baja was following through with a dream.

Now the dreams I have of creating and building have begun to take over my life in the past couple months. I have to figure out how to put my ideas and my creativity into action or I think eventually part of my soul will dye.

So many of my decisions in the past have been reacting to what has happened in my life not really being motivated by any driving force besides the flow of life around me.

Now I am driven, not by the job that I have just to pay off debt or the guilt that I sometimes let drive me to distraction but by the need to let the creativity I have inside of me come out, to take every idea that I have and work it through and not let it go dormant. Dormancy and floating through life are not a way to live...

I must let the dreams I have for my life flow out of me and not be held back by circumstances or the expectations of others.

Freedom is just around the corner!!!!