God

Listening to the neighbors fight and watching apple smoke rise up in to the air.

My thoughts drifted to my life and if I am actually more satisfied with it when I can see the hand of God in it or whether my life would be any different if it was God focused instead of me focused.

I am at the point where I feel like I could be just as satisfied with it whether God is in it or not, traveling around, making friends, seeing the world and experiencing nature.

I can pull off making people think that I am at least somewhat focused on what God might want for my life and how I can serve him, but do I really care???

Are the people who I know who are Christians really any happier, any more joyful, anymore driven towards anything. I almost feel like the majority of people look to God in there life because

1. It will make them feel like better people.

2. It is what they have always done.

3. They feel like it is the best place to get a sense of community and not feel alone in the world.

I really do not know if any of this is true, but I know that when I am involved in a church or seeking to know God better at the root of it all is the desire to be living in a community of other people. Where people are sharing everything and being willing to sacrifice what they have for other people.

Sometimes I see this in the church, but many times I see it in other places.

The desire to know and to be truly known by other people. To be accepted for who you are without regard to your faults.

True community is hard to find and I feel that I rarely see it in the church.

I admit in this that there are a number of people that I have no desire to get to know or to be known by. I tend to be judgmental of people who seek after status and riches or who think that they have to have the best when really they should be able to be happy with much much less. Maybe some of these people are seeking to replace relationships in their lives with these things, I guess I do not really know.

One of the things that has meaning to me and makes me feel that my life is worth something is being creative, building things, bringing ideas to life, but this can never replace the relationships I have with people.

Can it replace a relationship with God??

I think so...

But I am still trying to determine where that fits in my life and if it is really true. I always feel more satisfied with my life when I am being creative and have community in my life regardless whether I am seeking after God or not.

Does it really matter???